Jan 18/08 Writing Letters and more…

To keep in touch, Dh and I write letters to each other.
We were for a time speaking by phone, but it can get expensive.  I try and send him copies of my bible devotionals and chapters from my bible in each letter. 

Some people believe that it not that hard in there for the inmates and if it is difficult that it should be more hard on them. It is nothing like the movies portray it to be.  What I have learned is nothing is free in jail except the food, uniform and bed they sleep on. Everything cost money.  From shampoo, conditioner to the stationary they write on. At times seeing the doctor too.  Families send money orders to a trustee fund set up for each inmate.  That is all families can send with the exception of standard letters.  My husband does not receive any my letters in a timely manner as the jail reads every letter we send him so it takes time for them to get any word from us. 

You cannot call them or leave a message even if it was a family emergency.  All you can do is wait for a phone call (if you can afford it) or a letter from them.

There is no gym in a county jail. They workout by doing pushups, crunches, or situps in their own cell.  The jail is divided in clicks like everything else in life.  Youngsters (ages 18 and up) fight in there all the time or they try and pick fights with others. Almost like young pups picking on each other.  My husband is considered an old man there because he is forty so he stays with the “old men” in the group. 

While some think it is unfair or fair about the way things are in jail, I know that it is suppose to be hard for them.  Why should it be easy? It needs to remaiin difficult so that these inmates won’t want to come back.  I know that there some bad things that happen in there that my husband does not speak of.  The worst he has been through was finding that inmate hung in his cell when he was delivering meal trays on New Year’s eve.  I knew he was scared and I was scared too but I did not show it.  Instead I let God do the talking and gave him scripture of  God’s word.  

One day a few weeks ago,  one of the men in his cell block (who is a diabetic, passed out) Dh who knows the signs from having seen me get a low blood sugar episode. He knew what to do and called for the medic.  Strangely, the guards sent the ones who break up fights and they were disappointed there was not a fight to break up with their night sticks… it took awhile but finally a medic came.

That is the one scary things about being in there, time is of the essence and yet people take it for granted…they figure you are a nobody in there and forget you are somone’s son, brother, someone’s husband and someone’s father… and GOD’s child in Christ if you believe.

There are some decent people in there, guards who care.  Who pass on a newspaper, word about the weather, or just a friendly hello. 
           
At times it is equally hard for the families on the outside.  Waiting to visit a loved one for hours at times. Only to see them through a glass window and hearing their voice through a phone. One visit lasts only 15 minutes.  You smile and try to show your loved one that things will okay…trying to sqeeze in all the words you have to say and then your time is up. When you see him get up and walk away and you walk out, you have tears in your eyes and in your heart.  All the reasons of why that person sits in there, carry little meaning when you leave.

Kids are allowed on Saturdays for 15 minutes, and we both choose not to take our sons.  Instead Dh would call in the evening once a week and talk to the boys on the speaker phone.  My youngest son cries out “Come home Daddy..! “ And I can hear the pain his Daddy’s voice.  He doesn’t  understand, he is still a baby who only wants his Daddy.

He now writes letters to the boys and I read to them his letter at bedtime and we talk about that no matter what happens Mommy and Daddy love them. That they did nothing wrong and that Daddy needs to be where he is right now.   

My oldest son puts up a brave face in this.  When he did break down it was at a styling shop while I was getting a haircut in mid December. One of hairstylist who was on a break sat by him. All she asked was “Hi Honey, how are you?”  He broke down in tears saying “I”m okay.”  It was then that I saw how it was affecting him, how much he has missed his Dad.  

In the beginning, my oldest felt as if he was hurting my feelings by missing his Father. (almost as if he felt he would be choosing sides). I explained that it was okay to miss Daddy. We have a shirt that has his Dad’s scent on it and anytime he misses his Daddy, he can snuggle his shirt.  He has been doing better little by little.  He knows that anytime he wants to talk about his Dad, I am here for him.

My oldest son recently wrote to his Dad.  He said that in his letter to his Dad that he missed riding the bus with him on their trips/journeys together.  They used to go out to eat and go downtown to the central library. It was a special time for them and I know that my son misses that.  

In letters, Dh’s outlook for his life has changed. No more is there anger in his words. He has asked for forgiveness and does not blame me for calling the police. He now is learning to trust God in this matter and is giving God the control. 

In his last letter he writes:
“I thanked the Lord for helping me so much in court.  I was  witness to God’s works and  I could feel His hand at work.”Some people can argue that he is saying only what I want to hear.  I can only pray that his salvation is genuine.  Only God knows that…